Tuesday, December 23, 2008

...should not be doing this....

hye my dear readers.....

*sad tone*

downright i was not supposed to say anything about it again...

it soo hard to denied...the feeling i have inside..its just hard...

especially when i start thinking..how life wud be in kuala lumpur..when the new semester starts.

im counting days..like people are counting days for x-mas  and new year to arrived...

but hell yeah.*sorry for the harsh words..* for the first time im not looking forward for the new semester..its just ...ermm .i dont know how im going to face the situation..the reality....

for goodness sake..i really dunno what to expect..next year..

hurmmp..lately im really not in the mood to do anything.. sigh*

last nite i start listening to the songs.. songs that gives me the urge..to flashback all the memory..gud n bad.suddenly i start thinking why it has to come to an end..i keep questioning my self..why..what..when..all the wh question that i could think of..and i noe how hard to think n to be ok..perhaps it will never be that way..

my life change dramitically..

the first thing that i i realized..

i was not being my self...and i can be too emotional at times..

my life became empty.meaningless....

.it all started when i didnt received any message from him.. i feel soo different..*im starting to cry*huhuh

coz i noe especially early in the morning i would received a morning msg..that would really make my day..even tho it was a simple message..like"hye dear..morning" but with that simple message is all i need to get it goin..u noe ... he is my inspiration to start my day..huhu but all that is gone...shattered..my heart is broken into pieces..

i keep reminding my self that it will never be the same again..not as couple..were only friends..we are fate to be friends only..

i can practically..put a fake smile...be happy..and laughing all the way..u noe what even the funniest people that ive known cant make me laugh..u all can figure how was i at that time..its horrible..but to jage hati..i giggle a bit...huhu i know..my parent witness the changes ive gone thru..espcially when now im not clinging to my nset as before even my father realize.these are his words"lame ayah tak nmpk akak msej ngn dier"gaduh ker?kalo tak anak ayah nie mesti msej tak henti2x n the phone is owes in active mode." if u noe dad..ur daughter..is heart broken.really really broken into pieces...it feels.like dying inside...huhuh

somehow..as days goes by...im starting to adjust my self to the situation..getting used to not receiving any mseg from him..may be a few msej everyday would cure my broken heart..and now im learning to accept fate.trying to see the world that whatever im going through..its not as hard compared to others yg face more n more difficulties.this is just part of life..

i was soo thankfull...that i have my family..my guppies my babes my eisya..and to "him"..for giving the never ending support..for believing me..that i can be strong to move on with my life..i dunno guys without u all i really dunno where to turn to..thank you again...

and now...its 23rd of december...and 30th of december..is the date..im going to have the goosebump u noe how it tickles..n when  ur heart beat fast and sumhow u can sense him coming even tho he is still a miles away..wow!!the chemistry..its just a normal feeling when ur already with that someone for too long..hehe..i noe u all must have experienced it before...

..whatver it is he is stil my special ones eventho the situation is different now,he is still someone close to me..to my heart...hes just soo special in his own ways..we promise each other to be friend..and hopefully we can..huhuim afraid nant i will tend to xpect him to act like he is my boyfriend in fact he is not..huhu..gossshh its hard..tak pe..i will try..:)

fuyo0o0...its soo long...already...

i think i need to stop..im feeling better as im coming to an end..writing n expressing my feeling here..in my blog..after all its gud to have and own a blog..its emotional therapy bebeh..heheh

okies..on the 25th i'll be heading kuala lumpur..with my family..huhu 

GOD...please give the strength..!!! to face it!!!

i think the best way is i need to keep my self occupied doing sumthink soo that i wont burst into tears...easily...

dats all for now..




  1. babe
    just reading those words brings back memories bout me n him
    n i KNOW how u feel.d emptiness n lonelyness
    but hey.i kn0w ur STRONG enuff.believe me babe n cheer up, u got us ur frens to fill d emptiness kan..=D
    stand tall gurl [hugs]
    we care for u so just be cool.=D its freakin hard but its not impossible kan..=) bubye
    loads of l0ve.muax

  2. been through it. it was terrible. yeah, but managed to get through it :)

  3. gosh both of ue....
    thnk u for the comment..really appreciate it..
    yup!! yupp!! neef to move on..need to be strong..goo riena!! :) being optimist..